Will love you even if it kills me

I remember the day we met, how we looked at each other with innocence. I remember your so ever gentle touch, so gentle it cause my whole body to shake with passion. Gordian is the girl who stole me. She is the one who dropped from the clouds, whose love feels like I'm in clover and who collects me when I'm shattered into debris. Her love is of angels.

I was walking through town when I saw Gordian sitting down alone on the grass under a tree. The sun was hot but the air was moist. I looked at her faced down face and could see a storm in her mind. I walked up to her, kneeling down as I held both her hands in mine. "Are you feeling alright" I asked. "Yes, No" She replied as tears start dripping from her eyes.

She looked at me with her dark eyes shining and full of tears. I couldn't help it but share her pain. I took my hands and wipe the tears off her cheeks. I asked "Can I sit down here with you for a while?" She replied "Yes" More tears ran down on her pretty face and she continued "How do you do it? How do you survive everyday with a girl like me? I am a burden to you just because I am too weak to get over my sorrow. None of this is any of your faults. "Sssssh" I said in a gentle tone. "Gordian, I don't know how or why but you are like a diamond so precious that you share a special place in my heart. Don't blame yourself. I loved you knowing there would be rainy days to come. Since we have met you loved me though I was a bad egg and you made me realize I am the one to be. Ever since I met you, you are a hail-fellow-well-met, a gem of the first water, the goose that lay the golden eggs of life and a soul of honor" I told her.

I said "Even though you're holding on to the past for too long now. I will be here standing beside you always. These sorrows of yours hold you in the leash but I hope you keep a stiff upper lip. For you will never be overlooked. I am not the one who leaves in the lurch or make mincemeat of you. I'll stand my ground when the lion roars Gordian. The rainy days will be over soon and we will float on air once again. Always remember that we are not the hopeless but the hopeful. I know care kills a cat but if that is what must be for me to find heaven with you again. I'm willing to love you forever."

Saint of darkness

I woke up and felt as if I had slept for years. As I slowly opened my eyes I thought what I saw was a dream. I blinked my eyes several times to find out what I saw is reality. I was shocked at the moment because what I saw was too bad to be true.

I was sitting in a small piece of round land that when I looked down from the edges I could see I am somewhere about fifty kilometers above the ground below. Down there I saw horror and in the bright red sky I felt terror. At that moment I started to think back what had happened to me to find myself at this place.

It came back to me now that I was dead and my last memories alive were that of the doctor comforting me to a peaceful death. My death was not an accident because I was told I caught a rare incurable disease and my days left on earth were counted and given to me. I had lived them normally. To the features of this place I was very sure this was not paradise.

Now the painful sensation of not being counted amongst the living came back to me. I was sure I'd make it to Heaven when I died but here I am in the world of the dead. I just know now that I've passed the point of no return that some people call hopelessness. I had run out of time, the precious time I wasted digging my own hole to the world of the dead. I sat there with hate and regrets.

A thought came to my mind that there was no point in avoiding the inevitable by sitting on this piece of land since I am going to spend eternity here. Its better I go down and get to know some of these damned souls. We were all children of evil being ruled by the one devil, the deceiver of all creation.

I looked down at an event, there were many men drinking all kinds of beer. They were so drunk that some of them couldn't move from where they where sitting. At another side there were a group of men doing all kings of immoral acts. I saw fathers rape their daughters and brothers rape their sisters. At another side I saw mobs fighting each other for the price of pride. I saw them kill one another and bathing in blood. Just as they are dead they disappeared only to reappear in the sky and fell down to the ground and from this sight I knew I was in the last world.

I looked at another side and saw new souls falling from the sky to the ground below me. This whole world was burning in eternal flames but those who have spent some time here are used to these flames. The new souls got burnt by the fire. They were not physically burnt but were enduring the pain. I saw them jump all over, some of them lying in the ground kicking their legs wildly in pain. They were all screaming and crying.

I began to think back to when I was alive to find out where I had gone wrong. I was once counted amongst God's children. The darkness got hold of me and held me tightly. I kept on holding to the few words of the Lord but each day every second they fade way into the nothing. Although the devil contributed to my fall I was the one who deceived me.

Believing is a powerful mechanism. In it contains the power to accept what lies right in front of me. I was a fool then to think I was okay, to just let the darkness easily enslave me. When it got too dark I'd run away to church but that wasn't the solution since God is more than the church and so the church was just a disguise, a postponement that my faith was really falling apart. I was losing hope then and that is why I started believing that Heaven was not meant for me.

And now here I sit already too late to redeem my soul. While sitting here I realize faith cannot be built out of someone's words, a miracle or something done. It has to start deep in the heart as a ripe fire of desire for the only God. The faith that I truly had but locked it within the chambers of my heart neither depended on where I am, how I am, what I am, when I am nor who I am. It is the same faith that gave the angel Michael the power to lead his angels to defeat the devil and throw him out of Heaven and all his angels. The same faith that made God takes the image of man in an attempt to redeem the entire world of sins and to draw his people close to himself. I t will be the same faith that will allow the Lord to return and harvest the earth of all his people.

Here I am surrounded by eternal darkness full of shame and regrets. Now that I am in hell my faith in God has grown more and I am willing to celebrate his glory here in hell the home I chose for myself out of weakness and deception. I know God never changes and his word remains true but I remember his word in the book of first Corinthians chapter thirteen verse thirteen "meanwhile these three remains: faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love."

So if I still have faith and love and holding on to my hope while I am in hell, my soul is therefore not damned and so with these three; faith, hope and love the sky shall open and I shall feel the shade of God.

The Most Wanted Dreams

"I assure you that if you enter that place you shall not return alive. Yes, the place is enchanted with the most wanted dreams waiting to be found but no one yet has made it through since ancient times. If you must go my friend you have to remember that God lives and I wish you luck throughout your journey." Tshilidzi said. He is a true expert in supernatural and theological wisdom. I stood at the gates of the enchanted land full of doubts. My dreams lie inside there but I am afraid, truly afraid.

As a child I've always dreamt of finding the explanation to my parent's disappearance. Researchers say they left a book inside a mansion situated inside the land. Inside the book they wrote all their secret discoveries before they disappeared. Finding it won't just fill a hole of loneliness in my life but it will uplift the burden that lay upon my soul which caused me to live my life in fear and distress.

After a few minutes courage took over and I set the first few steps on the dry grass across the wide path that lead to an old mansion. The place was surrounded by very tall trees that had brown leaves because of the autumn season. This made it quiet and lonely. I reached the front door and opened it. As I did, I felt as if I'm reopening an old cut in my heart wherein I could not tell if there lies something pure or evil. As I looked around I felt as if something is watching me. I was getting more afraid the longer I am in this mansion.

I went upstairs and in the first room I found the book. I took it and then went back down stairs. I felt as if there are things moving on the ceiling. When I looked up my eyes widen in horror. There were snakes hanging upside down the ceiling. I felt something touch my toes and when I looked down, the floor was full of snakes. I could no longer see the carpet and me legs were tightly tied together by the snakes. I started to play back Tshilidzi's words.

Suddenly a strange looking man came down the stairs. He's face was very dark and he looked unhealthy. He had worms all over his body and he asked "Weren't you told that no one enters this place and leaves alive?" His words were like a spear in my heart as I felt I was about to lose my precious life without achieving my dreams. After all what is the point of touching your dreams and get petrified. I began to beg messy at this man but he told me he is not the one with grace. Tshilidzi's words were getting louder as they played again and again in my head.

Then as I started to give in to defeat the man said something that stunned me. It did not discourage me but gave me a new perspective of the trouble that came to be. He said "Yes I am evil and so are you; if not so you would be walking out that door in one peace. The law here says only the pure heart can open that front door. I am here because I too was trapped decades ago like you are now. The things you see are nothing of my doing but your own. The more evil you think, the more you trap yourself." It was as if everything made sense now.

I close my eyes and shed a tear as the happy days of my life flooded my mind. I thought of the good people who I have failed to thank, even God himself whom I breathe. I opened my eyes to see all the snakes gone except the old man who was well now. I found the secret I came looking for. My fear, pride and loneliness are all part of my mind. I'm the only one who can hurt my heart and the only one who can damn my soul. What I believe in determines the strength of my soul. When I looked around the house it was now beautiful, it had an exotic smell. I went to open the door but it appeared locked then the strange man said "oh, there is one more rule. No one leaves this place alive." Again his words scrapped my heart. Once again he crushed all my hope. How can I die when I need to change the world? The story cannot end like this, I cannot be the tragedy. I looked up at the heaven and begged once more for messy. I saw a sight that changed the roots of my soul forever. The sight triggered a chain reaction in my heart so that it pumped forever love through my veins.

I saw the Holy Spirit come down. His power was immense that I tried to find shelter of some kind. I could not bear to look face to face with him, I felt unworthy that he was too precious. He said in the gentlest voice I've ever heard "For now that you believe you have died and you're now born again. You are a new soul whom Jesus is with you forever wherever." He went back up to Heaven and I felt a new strength. For the first time in my life I was not afraid to die. I went to the door and as I open it I seem to have heavenly authority over the door and it opened. The bright light from the sky hurt my eyes. I went to the gate and gave the book to Tshilidzi and said to him "Thank you my friend, I have found what I have seek but my true journey begins now and my dreams are yet to be unleashed for my life is in God." Then From a distance I heard my parent's voices calling me.

Our God has a name

Our God has a name
Would you call it to your needs?
Our God has a heart
Would you bring yours close to his heart?
Our God has a love oh
Would you love him like you love your wife?

I see myself falling
To a darkest pit full of sorrow
And the darkness enslaving me
Forcing me to submit to my fears
But I know where hope is
It’s a little bit too far right now
Then I call upon his name
My heart is so far from his heart

I deserve hate and regrets
But his word lifts me up
And I deserve death
Just like any other spoiled brat in this world
Because of his unlimited love
His grace fall on to me from the Heavens

Finally I see the light
You pulling me out of this dark pit
Call his name, call his name
Our God has a name
Christ Jesus, he is worthy of all

You're love is wicked

I hate the way I really love you
It is a poison in my veins
And it spreads on to my life like flu
I sacrificed a lot of opportunities for you
But is this what I deserve for loving you so

How can you treat me like crap after all this
I am like garbage to you that you’re so disgusted to talk about
You look at me like I’m some teenage fool
Who is a slave of your dark side
And all the while you never did tell me you love me
But why is it hard for you to tell me you hate me

I dug this grave for myself and I’m gonna to climb out of it
Take your love back if this is what love is to you
I don’t want to be loved by a selfish bitch
Who pretends that love is a game wherein she is a god
Yeah I’m deserting you so go love someone else and show em what you showed me

Even though I really loved you
I’m gonna climb to the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro
To shout to the world
That you’re love is wicked